PILLSBURY DOUGHBOY DIES

A roll model for millions

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop n Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and injures sustained after repeated pokes in the stomach.  He was 71.

In one of the largest funeral ceremonies in recent years dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, Uncle Ben, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, Sara Lee and the Hostess Twinkies.

Fresh was buried in a lightly-greased coffin. The graveside was piled with flours as longtime friend, Aunt Jemima, delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who “never knew how much he was kneaded”. Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers.  He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.  Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.

Fresh is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3.50 for 20 minutes.

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